My childhood was one of insecurity, fear and loneliness. Not only were my parents not Christian, they were desperately wounded people without the spiritual, emotional or mental resources to build a home that could be a place of refuge for their daughters. Rather, it became a place to fear and to flee. I can see now, how even at an early age I was looking for a place of belonging. "Hiding' the pain of my home life, even from myself, caused me to seek an identity and place of belonging where I could live in love and acceptance. I tried to 'be' whatever the person or group I was with wanted me to be. Even when people seemed to accept me, I inwardly felt that if they 'really knew me', they would reject me. All the striving for belonging led me to a life of drugs, drinking, and promiscuity in my teen years. Sinful choices I made eventually resulted in immense guilt and depression, and dark suicidal thoughts. God used my fear of Divine punishment and eternal damnation to produce a seeking after Him. I was reading everything from Shirley McLain to the Bible. And I was confused.One morning, as I drove to work, I prayed--"God, there are so many religions out there, if you will just show me the truth, I promise I will follow it." Two nights later, I met Dave, the man who would become my husband. He had become a Christian about a year earlier. As we dated, he took me to a 'gospel-preaching' church. I heard the message of salvation by 'grace alone through faith alone'. I was overjoyed!! I spoke privately with the Pastor's wife, and she told me that the gift of forgiveness and eternal life were free. Christ had purchased them for me on the cross. I accepted that gift that evening, and I was thrilled to be free of the guilt and shame I had carried for so long. Sadly, what started as a call to "lay down your good works, lay down your religion and come to Christ" soon turned into a call to "pick up your good works, pick up your religion, and get busy working for Christ". 'Expectations' were put on me, with the subtle, and sometimes not-so-subtle message that God's view of me depended on how perfectly I met those expectations. I clearly remember the day I sat alone in my bedroom, crying, and thinking to myself, "They lied to me. They said God's acceptance was free. But it isn't." Again, even when I 'earned' the approval of others, I knew that if they 'really knew me', I would face their disapproval. I got very busy working to keep God (and people) happy. And for a time, I felt like I was doing pretty good. But there were areas of my life I just could not consistently 'pull together'. My walk with God felt like a weight I was carrying around. And God began to whisper that this was not His burden I was carrying.
God used books by Steve McVey and Bob George to whet our appetites for the life of grace. As we began to question our pastor on what it really meant to live "in Christ", we became increasingly 'marked' as trouble-makers and 'grace freaks'. The short story is that we left that church. That was the beginning of the best, yet hardest time of my life. God in His wisdom, put us through several 'trials' at once. We had our sixth child, we endured extreme financial struggles, my 'friends' from the church we left abandoned us, I was overwhelmed with homeschooling, and a sense of failure to live up to the 'expectations' God had of me. I fell apart. I cried all the time, even waking my husband in the middle of the night to just hold me while I wept. I say that this was a good time in my life, because though it was so painful, God also used it to strip me of my 'performance-based' securities. Books like Neil Anderson's "Victory Over the Darkness" and David Needham's "Alive for the First Time" were foundational to establishing an identity that was rooted in Christ, not my performance. I reconnected with a good friend who had moved away, and had since become aware of the truths of the exchanged life. I was blessed to have a fellow pilgrim walk the path to freedom with me, helping me avoid the 'landmines' of legalism along the way.
What once felt like obstacles to my spiritual growth--a broken past, weakness, failure, criticism, and the rejection of men-- have turned out to be catalysts to freedom. To live in the strength, performance, approval and acceptance of Christ alone is the abundant life God promised. He does indeed "really know me". And He loves me. Better yet, He likes me. And His acceptance cannot change, because it is not rooted in me, but in Him. I praise Him for His merciful work in continually showing Himself to me in manifold ways and through seemingly hopeless circumstances.
Grace Roots Blog
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Kathy's Grace Story
The following was sent to me by "Kathy J," who is someone I've recently come into contact with, and we've been able to share in mutual encouragement and edification. She's really been a great encourager for me in my blog writings. Earlier this year I mentioned that I was interested in hearing true stories of grace and then I put in another plug for that a few weeks ago. Below is Kathy's grace story. Kathy shares with me that as she was writing this, it kept changing and expanding. I can fully relate! Although I fully enjoy writing, I find myself doing a lot of editing and shortening. It can be quite a challenge to be succinct. But I think Kathy did a great job in hitting the "high notes" in her story.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Never Say Goodbye
"I gave my Son for you and I'll never turn away from you."
Guardian - Never Say Goodbye
Guardian - Never Say Goodbye
Staring at a Bird
Yesterday I briefly mentioned a song by The Waiting that includes the lyrics "the chasing of my pillow and my plate." The song is called "Staring at a Bird," and it's from their 1995 "Blue Belly Sky" album (which was re-released in 1998 under a new label and with a few more songs on it).
Staring at a Bird, to me, is about the longing to overcome the flesh, along with the futility of trying to overcome flesh by the flesh. It takes the whole song to get to the subtle "answer" of how one is "unpinned" from the bed, and I have to say that this song was one of those songs back in the early days of my "grace walk" that helped me to begin focusing more on my identity in Christ than on my behavior, which of course opened up a whole new world of love and praise for my Savior, and a much deeper relationship.
I tried to embed the video of the song here, but it just wasn't working, so here's a link to the video (at the link, click "Watch It Now!").
I'm here staring at a bird in a tree
Lying still, only wishing he was me
'Cause for a bird it's not a crime
To try and satisfy his bird belly hunger
Or fly the blue belly sky
And from his bird's eye view
He can pick and he can choose
He doesn't have to grieve the spirit
No he doesn't have to lose a moment's joy there in his nest
No matter what his mess, and he can barrel out his chest
And he can fly away...
CHORUS:
But I'm pinned down in my bed again
I don't think I could fly (I wouldn't try)
If I was a bird I would be content
To peck along the ground
'Cause I'm pinned down again...
I'm here staring at a bird on a limb
Lying still, only wishing I was him
Because I could use a haven,
A nest above my fate
Call it a rest from the chasing of me pillow and my plate
And for a bird it's always right to love his appetite
He's too dumb to know the struggle, to weak to know the fight
He can fly south when he gets cold, sing until he's old
And on a whim, he can unfold his wings
And fly away
(CHORUS)
I'm here staring at a bird in the air
I wonder what I'd see if I looked down from there
I'd see a shattered temple, all it's members in a sweat
Everyone has been degraded, every sermon they forget
I'd see a man pulled from his bed by the same Hands of Love
That hung a cross around his neck
Just to remind him, remind him who he was...
Staring at a Bird, to me, is about the longing to overcome the flesh, along with the futility of trying to overcome flesh by the flesh. It takes the whole song to get to the subtle "answer" of how one is "unpinned" from the bed, and I have to say that this song was one of those songs back in the early days of my "grace walk" that helped me to begin focusing more on my identity in Christ than on my behavior, which of course opened up a whole new world of love and praise for my Savior, and a much deeper relationship.
I tried to embed the video of the song here, but it just wasn't working, so here's a link to the video (at the link, click "Watch It Now!").
I'm here staring at a bird in a tree
Lying still, only wishing he was me
'Cause for a bird it's not a crime
To try and satisfy his bird belly hunger
Or fly the blue belly sky
And from his bird's eye view
He can pick and he can choose
He doesn't have to grieve the spirit
No he doesn't have to lose a moment's joy there in his nest
No matter what his mess, and he can barrel out his chest
And he can fly away...
CHORUS:
But I'm pinned down in my bed again
I don't think I could fly (I wouldn't try)
If I was a bird I would be content
To peck along the ground
'Cause I'm pinned down again...
I'm here staring at a bird on a limb
Lying still, only wishing I was him
Because I could use a haven,
A nest above my fate
Call it a rest from the chasing of me pillow and my plate
And for a bird it's always right to love his appetite
He's too dumb to know the struggle, to weak to know the fight
He can fly south when he gets cold, sing until he's old
And on a whim, he can unfold his wings
And fly away
(CHORUS)
I'm here staring at a bird in the air
I wonder what I'd see if I looked down from there
I'd see a shattered temple, all it's members in a sweat
Everyone has been degraded, every sermon they forget
I'd see a man pulled from his bed by the same Hands of Love
That hung a cross around his neck
Just to remind him, remind him who he was...
Thursday, June 28, 2007
My Coming to Christ (Part 1 - It Sure Ain't My Doing)
About a week and a half ago, while in sort of an introspective and thankful mood, I made a tentative list of four things that I wanted to write about that had to do with things in my life that "I know are by grace, and not by my own determination and strength, nor by my own faithfulness nor self-determined commitment." I've not necessarily stayed in line with that list. I've added other things and I've written posts that are derived in one way or another from that list.
But this time, I'm definitely writing about something that I intended to write about when I made the list. Number 2 - My coming to Christ. As I said at the time, I have no idea why I am so drawn to the things of Christ, except that it's completely by His grace. God has drawn me unto Himself. You see, I know this much - I'm selfish, lazy, boring, uncommitted, uninspired, undriven, unfruitful, lacking in direction... sinful... and so on and so on, when it comes to my fleshly tendencies. I mean, if it were up to me and my passions and my abilities, my daily activities would consist of "the chasing of my pillow and my plate," as a song from The Waiting goes. Again, I'm talking about my tendencies apart from having come into a relationship with the Living God.
And if it weren't for the ongoing, daily, moment by moment grace of God at work in me, my life would pretty much be the disaster that would have culminated from all of those fleshly tendencies! What I'm saying is that I'm nothing without Christ. Any and all desires within me that are even slightly directed towards Him or love for Him, are the result of His grace and His love at work in me. When it comes down to it, I just know it. I know what goes on in my head and in my heart, and if not for the daily renewing of the mind into the things of Christ, I would be a walking disaster. And the beautiful thing, which I once thought was the scary thing, is that even the renewing of my mind is dependent upon God's grace. If it were up to me to "try" to keep myself renewed in the things of God, you might as well ask a Kazoo to keep trying to sound like a beautiful harp. It just ain't happenin'. But GOD keeps this life alive. FULLY alive!
His life in me is now the true source of my passions and anything and everything I do that has "God" stamped on it. It "just is" that way. Do I ever "walk after the flesh?" Of course! But is it my commitment to God or my striving to keep pleasing Him or to be a "promise keeper" or a "purpose driven" person that steers me back to walking after the Spirit? Well, one thing I can promise you for sure - one thing that I am no longer afraid to admit, as I write this vulnerably and with honesty - is that my love for Christ, and my desire to preach and teach the good news, and my desire to be a godly husband and father and worker and coworker, and citizen and neighbor, and whatever other godly desires are in me and whatever godly desires are fulfilled in me, are not because I've committed myself to being a good Christian or to being a godly leader.
I can tell you truthfully - I haven't committed myself to any of these things! But yet I am committed to these things! The reason is because it's God who drew me to Himself in the first place and it's God who continuously keeps me exactly where He wants me. The pressure is not on me. The maintenance of all this is not my responsibility. I know this offends and shocks the Christian who lives with the mindset that "God expects great things of you" and "God is counting on you to fulfill His will in your life." But once you grab onto the understanding that Christ is your life and that you are His workmanship (not your own workmanship) and that in Him you live and move and have your being, then being committed to Him becomes a natural product of knowing Him, rather than something you strive to produce or maintain.
Hey, I "tried" to live the Christian life for a while. I found it much easier and fruitful when I let Christ-in-me take over, as He was always meant to do. My life is now very active, inspired, fruitful, etc. But I just know - I KNOW - that I am what I am by the grace of God, and the grace of God alone. It sure ain't MY doing!
But this time, I'm definitely writing about something that I intended to write about when I made the list. Number 2 - My coming to Christ. As I said at the time, I have no idea why I am so drawn to the things of Christ, except that it's completely by His grace. God has drawn me unto Himself. You see, I know this much - I'm selfish, lazy, boring, uncommitted, uninspired, undriven, unfruitful, lacking in direction... sinful... and so on and so on, when it comes to my fleshly tendencies. I mean, if it were up to me and my passions and my abilities, my daily activities would consist of "the chasing of my pillow and my plate," as a song from The Waiting goes. Again, I'm talking about my tendencies apart from having come into a relationship with the Living God.
And if it weren't for the ongoing, daily, moment by moment grace of God at work in me, my life would pretty much be the disaster that would have culminated from all of those fleshly tendencies! What I'm saying is that I'm nothing without Christ. Any and all desires within me that are even slightly directed towards Him or love for Him, are the result of His grace and His love at work in me. When it comes down to it, I just know it. I know what goes on in my head and in my heart, and if not for the daily renewing of the mind into the things of Christ, I would be a walking disaster. And the beautiful thing, which I once thought was the scary thing, is that even the renewing of my mind is dependent upon God's grace. If it were up to me to "try" to keep myself renewed in the things of God, you might as well ask a Kazoo to keep trying to sound like a beautiful harp. It just ain't happenin'. But GOD keeps this life alive. FULLY alive!
His life in me is now the true source of my passions and anything and everything I do that has "God" stamped on it. It "just is" that way. Do I ever "walk after the flesh?" Of course! But is it my commitment to God or my striving to keep pleasing Him or to be a "promise keeper" or a "purpose driven" person that steers me back to walking after the Spirit? Well, one thing I can promise you for sure - one thing that I am no longer afraid to admit, as I write this vulnerably and with honesty - is that my love for Christ, and my desire to preach and teach the good news, and my desire to be a godly husband and father and worker and coworker, and citizen and neighbor, and whatever other godly desires are in me and whatever godly desires are fulfilled in me, are not because I've committed myself to being a good Christian or to being a godly leader.
I can tell you truthfully - I haven't committed myself to any of these things! But yet I am committed to these things! The reason is because it's God who drew me to Himself in the first place and it's God who continuously keeps me exactly where He wants me. The pressure is not on me. The maintenance of all this is not my responsibility. I know this offends and shocks the Christian who lives with the mindset that "God expects great things of you" and "God is counting on you to fulfill His will in your life." But once you grab onto the understanding that Christ is your life and that you are His workmanship (not your own workmanship) and that in Him you live and move and have your being, then being committed to Him becomes a natural product of knowing Him, rather than something you strive to produce or maintain.
Hey, I "tried" to live the Christian life for a while. I found it much easier and fruitful when I let Christ-in-me take over, as He was always meant to do. My life is now very active, inspired, fruitful, etc. But I just know - I KNOW - that I am what I am by the grace of God, and the grace of God alone. It sure ain't MY doing!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Michilliana
This past weekend took me to Indiana, Illinois and Michigan, to finally meet my good friend Dave Lesniak in person, as well as a couple of other crazy dudes who I rode with. For those who don't know, Dave is the station manager for Grace Walk Internet Radio, but I know him better as someone who aims to intimidate and threaten as he tries to take over the world with his iron fist! You really need to watch this guy! Hehe. Anyway, a few pics from the weekend are below.
I met Dave 2 1/2 years ago through the Grace Walk Forum and we've developed a very neat friendship. The two other guys I went with on this trip live two hours from me, in Ankeny, Iowa. Greg is someone I also met through the forum. Actually, it was someone else from the forum (Bob, from Canada, who some of you will know - yes THE Bob!) - who introduced Greg and I to each other! Hmm. Someone from Canada introducing two "Iowanians," as Dave likes to call us. Greg's friend, Seth, a black belt in Karate, who Dave kept threatening to beat up and throw in his pond, was part of this trip to Michilliana.
Dave lives in Northern Indiana, just south of Chicago. On our first evening there (Friday), Dave took us into Chicago and we went up in the John Hancock Building, to the Signature Lounge on the 96th floor. What an amazing time that was! It was a very beautiful sight to look down and across the city at night. We then drove to Dave's church to spend the night. (Dave's church is really the home of his friends Bill and Sue). :) They have their fellowship right around the kitchen table.
Saturday, we all woke up and had an easy morning and then it was back to Dave's place to prepare for a huge party he threw. Lots of food, fun and fellowship, so to speak. Dave was very unselfish in sharing his family and friends with us. The day had started off very rainy and cool, but turned out nice just in time for the party.
On the third day (Sunday), we rose early and went into southern Michigan to Warren Dunes State Park. Again, the day started off rainy, but it cleared off before we got to the dunes and beach. I about had a heart attack climbing the hill, but it was a very nice view of the lake as the four of us sat near the top and chatted a while. We decided to run down the hill like everyone seems to love to do, and as I attempted to "fake" a fall and tumble into 4 or 5 rolls, it turned into a real fall that was far more comical that the fake one would have been. :) Needless to say, I got lots of sand in my hair and clothes. It also hurt a lot more than I expected! I'm not as young as I used to be. We then went out to eat, returned Dave to his house in Indiana, and Seth, Greg and I headed back to Iowa.
Despite what Mike Zenker says about Dave, and really, despite what everyone says about the guy (JUST KIDDING, DAVE!), Dave was very hospitable during our whole time with him. He really went out of his way to help us feel welcome and he really gave us the royal treatment. It was really hard to say goodbye. Also, having never met Greg or Seth in person, I wasn't exactly sure how our drive to Indiana would be, not to mention the rest of the time we would spend together, but we really hit it off well and I was happy about that. We are all very like minded in our walk with Jesus, and the conversation was never dull. The whole weekend was very refreshing as we had a lot of fun and encouraged each other in the grace of God!
I met Dave 2 1/2 years ago through the Grace Walk Forum and we've developed a very neat friendship. The two other guys I went with on this trip live two hours from me, in Ankeny, Iowa. Greg is someone I also met through the forum. Actually, it was someone else from the forum (Bob, from Canada, who some of you will know - yes THE Bob!) - who introduced Greg and I to each other! Hmm. Someone from Canada introducing two "Iowanians," as Dave likes to call us. Greg's friend, Seth, a black belt in Karate, who Dave kept threatening to beat up and throw in his pond, was part of this trip to Michilliana.
Dave lives in Northern Indiana, just south of Chicago. On our first evening there (Friday), Dave took us into Chicago and we went up in the John Hancock Building, to the Signature Lounge on the 96th floor. What an amazing time that was! It was a very beautiful sight to look down and across the city at night. We then drove to Dave's church to spend the night. (Dave's church is really the home of his friends Bill and Sue). :) They have their fellowship right around the kitchen table.
Saturday, we all woke up and had an easy morning and then it was back to Dave's place to prepare for a huge party he threw. Lots of food, fun and fellowship, so to speak. Dave was very unselfish in sharing his family and friends with us. The day had started off very rainy and cool, but turned out nice just in time for the party.
On the third day (Sunday), we rose early and went into southern Michigan to Warren Dunes State Park. Again, the day started off rainy, but it cleared off before we got to the dunes and beach. I about had a heart attack climbing the hill, but it was a very nice view of the lake as the four of us sat near the top and chatted a while. We decided to run down the hill like everyone seems to love to do, and as I attempted to "fake" a fall and tumble into 4 or 5 rolls, it turned into a real fall that was far more comical that the fake one would have been. :) Needless to say, I got lots of sand in my hair and clothes. It also hurt a lot more than I expected! I'm not as young as I used to be. We then went out to eat, returned Dave to his house in Indiana, and Seth, Greg and I headed back to Iowa.
Despite what Mike Zenker says about Dave, and really, despite what everyone says about the guy (JUST KIDDING, DAVE!), Dave was very hospitable during our whole time with him. He really went out of his way to help us feel welcome and he really gave us the royal treatment. It was really hard to say goodbye. Also, having never met Greg or Seth in person, I wasn't exactly sure how our drive to Indiana would be, not to mention the rest of the time we would spend together, but we really hit it off well and I was happy about that. We are all very like minded in our walk with Jesus, and the conversation was never dull. The whole weekend was very refreshing as we had a lot of fun and encouraged each other in the grace of God!
Turn your back?
I was listening to a song yesterday that said something to the effect of, "I turned my back on You, Jesus." While I understand what the singer was saying, I'm not so sure I can go along with that statement as truth! We all do things that most certainly do not reflect the image of Christ in us. We may do things in which that fact is blatantly obvious. In doing so, we've come up with terms such as "I've fallen away," "I turned my back," "I walked away," etc. Again, I "get" those terms, but I'm not so sure they're valid terms!
Rather, what I think happens is that we've fallen away from, turned our backs on, and walked away from our perception of God, and from our perception of what our relationship with Him is all about and from our perception of how this relationship is maintained.
God is love, and God is grace. I'm talking about the essence of who God is. His very nature. We cannot out-sin the love of God and the grace of God. If we look fully into what God's love and grace really is, then how can we truly ever say that we've turned our backs on Him? How do you turn your back on love and grace? You can't! You are in Christ Jesus by grace alone. You are in His love. You cannot be separated from it. Sin cannot separate you from God's love, and God is love. And if sin could separate you from grace, then what a totally lousy and weak thing grace is!
Oh, yeah, I suppose I'll have to qualify some of this. :) I'm not talking about using grace as a license to sin or to walk in the desires of the flesh. OF COURSE that's not why God showers us with Love and Grace! But if we understand God as love, and if we understand that we are walking in grace that has no end or limits, then we will understand that we are always with God and He with us. When we sin and we think that through the sin we've strayed from God, it's the same as thinking we've strayed from love and grace, which is IMPOSSIBLE!
What if, instead of seeing God as One who rules with an iron fist or who's "up there" with a lightning bolt, ready to strike us when we've done wrong, we see Him as who He is - Love and Grace. The cross of Jesus is the proof of this. Whatever sin was ever on our account was fully taken care of on the cross. If it wasn't already taken care of, once and for all, then Jesus would have to keep coming back and dying on the cross to take care of our sins over and over and over again. We remain in Him by grace alone, because of His love for us. Again, what possible way is there for us to turn our backs on love and grace?
While writing this, I remembered that I had written something similar earlier this year, entitled "Jesus will never take you back."
Rather, what I think happens is that we've fallen away from, turned our backs on, and walked away from our perception of God, and from our perception of what our relationship with Him is all about and from our perception of how this relationship is maintained.
God is love, and God is grace. I'm talking about the essence of who God is. His very nature. We cannot out-sin the love of God and the grace of God. If we look fully into what God's love and grace really is, then how can we truly ever say that we've turned our backs on Him? How do you turn your back on love and grace? You can't! You are in Christ Jesus by grace alone. You are in His love. You cannot be separated from it. Sin cannot separate you from God's love, and God is love. And if sin could separate you from grace, then what a totally lousy and weak thing grace is!
Oh, yeah, I suppose I'll have to qualify some of this. :) I'm not talking about using grace as a license to sin or to walk in the desires of the flesh. OF COURSE that's not why God showers us with Love and Grace! But if we understand God as love, and if we understand that we are walking in grace that has no end or limits, then we will understand that we are always with God and He with us. When we sin and we think that through the sin we've strayed from God, it's the same as thinking we've strayed from love and grace, which is IMPOSSIBLE!
What if, instead of seeing God as One who rules with an iron fist or who's "up there" with a lightning bolt, ready to strike us when we've done wrong, we see Him as who He is - Love and Grace. The cross of Jesus is the proof of this. Whatever sin was ever on our account was fully taken care of on the cross. If it wasn't already taken care of, once and for all, then Jesus would have to keep coming back and dying on the cross to take care of our sins over and over and over again. We remain in Him by grace alone, because of His love for us. Again, what possible way is there for us to turn our backs on love and grace?
---------------------------------------------------
While writing this, I remembered that I had written something similar earlier this year, entitled "Jesus will never take you back."
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Panic Attacks!
Continuing on with some thoughts as I look back on my life, and how it's been a grace life...
During my late teen years I began having panic attacks. I remember my first one very vividly. I was standing in my living room and I began to have an overwhelming sensation that I didn't understand. I don't even know how to describe it. I was yelling to my mom, "Help!", and she asked me what was the matter and I said, "I don't know." But I kept asking for help. It was a very scary place to be. I really had no clue what was happening to me. After a few minutes it was over.
A while later I had a much more intense panic attack. Legally, I wasn't allowed to drive anyone else's car, due to previously having my driver's license suspended (a whole 'nother story!) and now being on special insurance. But yet I had borrowed a friend's car to go 20 miles out of town. I was on my way back to town, driving down a highway and I began to notice that my breaths were very shallow and I was feeling nervous. I'm sure some of the nerves were due to fear of getting caught. I was about 1 or 2 miles from the town next to my town. I began to feel tingling in my arms and hands, and I think in my face too.
I pulled over and there were two men working on a utility pole. I asked them if they could help me.
"Sure, what ya need?"
"I don't know. Help!"
Again, I didn't know what was happening. My hands began to curl up and stiffen, locking themselves into place and I couldn't open my fingers. I was very, very scared. One of the men jumped into the car and I somehow got into the passenger seat. The man drove me into the town and called an ambulance. By the time the ambulance arrived, I was much better, much calmer. I felt like such a fool and I hesitated getting into the ambulance because by now I was OK. But it was at the hospital that I found out what was going on, so I'm glad I went. They told me that I had been hyperventilating, and the oxygen was affecting my body, with the tingling at first, and then the hands clamping up.
Eventually, I went to a counselor and a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist put me on an antidepressant, as well as a nerve-calmer called Xanax. I didn't really need the antidepressant, and I stopped using it right away, but the Xanax became my savior. I had come to a place where I couldn't go five miles from home without having a panic attack. But I could pop a Xanax and everything would be allllright. I couldn't leave home without my Xanax. This dependence on the drug went on for 2 or 3 years.
Then in 1992, when I was 22 years old, I came into a close relationship with the Lord. This is a testimony that I will share sometime too. I started out on a very legalistic foot, but there were Bible verses and passages that stuck out to me that I'm sure played a huge part in me eventually coming to depend upon grace. One of the verses was directly related to how I overcame panic attacks and my dependence upon Xanax.
Somewhere along the line, I had received a Lutheran prayer book. I think it was either a confirmation or graduation gift, but it had basically remained on the shelf all those years. But now that I was eager to learn more about Jesus, I began to look at the resources I had. Somewhere in that book - and I can't seem to find it when I look these days - there was a prayer based on 1 Peter 5:7, which says, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you" (or "casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you").
Now, this is all within just a few days of beginning this new walk. One day I was heading out of town and my usual anxiety began to creep up on me. I had decided to leave my Xanax at home, trusting that the Lord would take my anxiety. So I pictured myself laying my anxiety at His feet, handing it over to Him. I had no real clue what I was doing, except that it was in faith. For the first time in at least 2 or 3 years, I left town and remained out of town without my Xanax!
I had a new Savior. I was learning that I could trust Him.
Two weeks later, I was in my bedroom and I saw my bottle of Xanax pills. It occurred to me that I hadn't even thought of Xanax for the entire two weeks! After all that time of constantly checking to make sure I had my Xanax by my side, I hadn't even thought of it. I took the pills and flushed them down the toilet. Life has never been the same. I've not had a panic attack in 15 years.
I'm most certainly not against medication for depression, anxiety and other legitimate conditions that truly exist. I'm thankful for counselors, psychiatrists and medicine. I simply found out that in my particular case, my problem was not a physical issue. It was all about my Father bringing me into a deeper, trusting relationship with Him.
During my late teen years I began having panic attacks. I remember my first one very vividly. I was standing in my living room and I began to have an overwhelming sensation that I didn't understand. I don't even know how to describe it. I was yelling to my mom, "Help!", and she asked me what was the matter and I said, "I don't know." But I kept asking for help. It was a very scary place to be. I really had no clue what was happening to me. After a few minutes it was over.
A while later I had a much more intense panic attack. Legally, I wasn't allowed to drive anyone else's car, due to previously having my driver's license suspended (a whole 'nother story!) and now being on special insurance. But yet I had borrowed a friend's car to go 20 miles out of town. I was on my way back to town, driving down a highway and I began to notice that my breaths were very shallow and I was feeling nervous. I'm sure some of the nerves were due to fear of getting caught. I was about 1 or 2 miles from the town next to my town. I began to feel tingling in my arms and hands, and I think in my face too.
I pulled over and there were two men working on a utility pole. I asked them if they could help me.
"Sure, what ya need?"
"I don't know. Help!"
Again, I didn't know what was happening. My hands began to curl up and stiffen, locking themselves into place and I couldn't open my fingers. I was very, very scared. One of the men jumped into the car and I somehow got into the passenger seat. The man drove me into the town and called an ambulance. By the time the ambulance arrived, I was much better, much calmer. I felt like such a fool and I hesitated getting into the ambulance because by now I was OK. But it was at the hospital that I found out what was going on, so I'm glad I went. They told me that I had been hyperventilating, and the oxygen was affecting my body, with the tingling at first, and then the hands clamping up.
Eventually, I went to a counselor and a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist put me on an antidepressant, as well as a nerve-calmer called Xanax. I didn't really need the antidepressant, and I stopped using it right away, but the Xanax became my savior. I had come to a place where I couldn't go five miles from home without having a panic attack. But I could pop a Xanax and everything would be allllright. I couldn't leave home without my Xanax. This dependence on the drug went on for 2 or 3 years.
Then in 1992, when I was 22 years old, I came into a close relationship with the Lord. This is a testimony that I will share sometime too. I started out on a very legalistic foot, but there were Bible verses and passages that stuck out to me that I'm sure played a huge part in me eventually coming to depend upon grace. One of the verses was directly related to how I overcame panic attacks and my dependence upon Xanax.
Somewhere along the line, I had received a Lutheran prayer book. I think it was either a confirmation or graduation gift, but it had basically remained on the shelf all those years. But now that I was eager to learn more about Jesus, I began to look at the resources I had. Somewhere in that book - and I can't seem to find it when I look these days - there was a prayer based on 1 Peter 5:7, which says, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you" (or "casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you").
Now, this is all within just a few days of beginning this new walk. One day I was heading out of town and my usual anxiety began to creep up on me. I had decided to leave my Xanax at home, trusting that the Lord would take my anxiety. So I pictured myself laying my anxiety at His feet, handing it over to Him. I had no real clue what I was doing, except that it was in faith. For the first time in at least 2 or 3 years, I left town and remained out of town without my Xanax!
I had a new Savior. I was learning that I could trust Him.
Two weeks later, I was in my bedroom and I saw my bottle of Xanax pills. It occurred to me that I hadn't even thought of Xanax for the entire two weeks! After all that time of constantly checking to make sure I had my Xanax by my side, I hadn't even thought of it. I took the pills and flushed them down the toilet. Life has never been the same. I've not had a panic attack in 15 years.
I'm most certainly not against medication for depression, anxiety and other legitimate conditions that truly exist. I'm thankful for counselors, psychiatrists and medicine. I simply found out that in my particular case, my problem was not a physical issue. It was all about my Father bringing me into a deeper, trusting relationship with Him.
Monday, June 25, 2007
For All You're Worth
A song by Petra from about a dozen years ago has really touched my heart lately. Perhaps two or three months ago it touched me, and then again today. And then... I was reading the "5 Things I Dig About Jesus" from Matthew, and I think that what he wrote really goes along well with this song. It's just coincidence. Yeah, right. :) Perhaps you won't see the similarities, but I guess the song and Matthew's post hit me in the same way.
The lyrics, in and of themselves, do not give the song justice, according to the "feel" of the song with the music, but they're good lyrics anyway. The lyrics are found here.
Jesus gave His life for all you're worth.
The lyrics, in and of themselves, do not give the song justice, according to the "feel" of the song with the music, but they're good lyrics anyway. The lyrics are found here.
Jesus gave His life for all you're worth.
DNA
I was reading Nicole Nordeman's monthly Confessions of an Unfinished Faith article in this months CCM Magazine. I won't get into the content of this month's article, "Red, White and You," except to say that Nicole recalls a time when she was in "an old abandoned church in the French countryside," and it dawned on her that so many people had lived lives of faith long before she came to her contemporary American evangelical faith with all its "values" and issues. It's a great article, but as far as I can tell, it's only available in either the print version or with a paid online subscription.
The sentence that stuck out to me is something that I'm purposely taking out of the context of the rest of the article, so don't take this as me trying to explain Nicole's view on anything. She writes, "...it (the land that would become the U.S.A) was inhabited by human beings, whose every fingerprint leaves a smudge of Adam's DNA on whatever we touch." Again, what I'm going to write here has nothing to do with Nicole's article.
Those words hit home in a neat way while I read them. I was thinking about "who" I was in the flesh. As a human being, I descended from Adam. I was related to Adam in every sense. Adam's very DNA was passed down from person to person and it became my DNA. I was born with Adam's DNA. I was born with Adam's nature. What became true of Adam after he ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, became true of me. I could not separate myself from the fact that I was a child of Adam. Adam died to God after the tree, and sin entered the world, and death began its reign. (Rom 5:14, I Cor 15:22). I was therefore born alive to sin and dead to God. It wasn't when I first sinned that I died to God. It was my relationship to Adam that made me dead to God. I didn't do a thing to get into this relationship and I couldn't do a thing to get out of it!
Now, however, I've been given a new life! I have been made alive together with Christ (Eph 2:5, Col 2:13). As this "new creation" (2 Cor 5:17), I have died to who I was in Adam and now my "DNA" is Christ's! I am no longer Adam's; I am Christ's. I am no longer from the line of Adam; I am from the line of Christ. I am now fully related to Christ. Who Jesus is has been passed on to me - I have now become a partaker of His very nature, glory and holiness (Heb 12:10, 1 Pet 5:1, 2 Pet 1:4). I have died to the nature of Adam and taken on a new nature. I cannot separate myself from the fact that I am a child of God! I have now died to sin and have been made alive in Christ - and Paul reminds me to "reckon" this (Rom 6:10-11). That simply means that I understand my being dead to sin as a done deal. I daily count it as fact and live in that fact. LIFE has begun its reign! It wasn't when I first performed a righteous act, and it's not because of any continuance of me performing righteous acts that I have died to sin and been made alive to God. It's my relationship to Jesus that made me dead to sin and alive to God, and keeps me alive to God. (After you've died to something, you can never "live to it" again!).
I cannot add a thing to keep up this relationship and I can't do a thing to get out of it! I am His and He is mine. I dwell in Him and He in me. It's an inseparable union! I have His very DNA! I am identified with Him and no longer with Adam. Even when I sin, it's not that I still have an identity in Adam. Sin dwells in my corruptible, mortal body, but my body is not who I am! "It is no longer I who does it," Paul says, "but sin that dwells in me." (Rom 7:17 ,20) In this case, "me" is defined as "my members," which means "my body" (Rom 7:23). One day this corruptible and mortal body will be replace with incorruption and immortality (1 Cor 15:50-56).
But "who I am" is not my body anyway. I am a spiritual being who has become one spirit with God (1 Cor 6:17). The more I dwell on the reality of this, rather than dwelling on sin that dwells in my body or who I was in Adam, the more "who I am" will work its way out to show on the outside! So, I praise God that I am in Him and He is in me, and that I'm no longer related to "the first man Adam," who "became a living being," but I'm now related to "the last Adam," who "became a life-giving spirit!" (1 Cor 15:45)
The sentence that stuck out to me is something that I'm purposely taking out of the context of the rest of the article, so don't take this as me trying to explain Nicole's view on anything. She writes, "...it (the land that would become the U.S.A) was inhabited by human beings, whose every fingerprint leaves a smudge of Adam's DNA on whatever we touch." Again, what I'm going to write here has nothing to do with Nicole's article.
Those words hit home in a neat way while I read them. I was thinking about "who" I was in the flesh. As a human being, I descended from Adam. I was related to Adam in every sense. Adam's very DNA was passed down from person to person and it became my DNA. I was born with Adam's DNA. I was born with Adam's nature. What became true of Adam after he ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, became true of me. I could not separate myself from the fact that I was a child of Adam. Adam died to God after the tree, and sin entered the world, and death began its reign. (Rom 5:14, I Cor 15:22). I was therefore born alive to sin and dead to God. It wasn't when I first sinned that I died to God. It was my relationship to Adam that made me dead to God. I didn't do a thing to get into this relationship and I couldn't do a thing to get out of it!
Now, however, I've been given a new life! I have been made alive together with Christ (Eph 2:5, Col 2:13). As this "new creation" (2 Cor 5:17), I have died to who I was in Adam and now my "DNA" is Christ's! I am no longer Adam's; I am Christ's. I am no longer from the line of Adam; I am from the line of Christ. I am now fully related to Christ. Who Jesus is has been passed on to me - I have now become a partaker of His very nature, glory and holiness (Heb 12:10, 1 Pet 5:1, 2 Pet 1:4). I have died to the nature of Adam and taken on a new nature. I cannot separate myself from the fact that I am a child of God! I have now died to sin and have been made alive in Christ - and Paul reminds me to "reckon" this (Rom 6:10-11). That simply means that I understand my being dead to sin as a done deal. I daily count it as fact and live in that fact. LIFE has begun its reign! It wasn't when I first performed a righteous act, and it's not because of any continuance of me performing righteous acts that I have died to sin and been made alive to God. It's my relationship to Jesus that made me dead to sin and alive to God, and keeps me alive to God. (After you've died to something, you can never "live to it" again!).
I cannot add a thing to keep up this relationship and I can't do a thing to get out of it! I am His and He is mine. I dwell in Him and He in me. It's an inseparable union! I have His very DNA! I am identified with Him and no longer with Adam. Even when I sin, it's not that I still have an identity in Adam. Sin dwells in my corruptible, mortal body, but my body is not who I am! "It is no longer I who does it," Paul says, "but sin that dwells in me." (Rom 7:17 ,20) In this case, "me" is defined as "my members," which means "my body" (Rom 7:23). One day this corruptible and mortal body will be replace with incorruption and immortality (1 Cor 15:50-56).
But "who I am" is not my body anyway. I am a spiritual being who has become one spirit with God (1 Cor 6:17). The more I dwell on the reality of this, rather than dwelling on sin that dwells in my body or who I was in Adam, the more "who I am" will work its way out to show on the outside! So, I praise God that I am in Him and He is in me, and that I'm no longer related to "the first man Adam," who "became a living being," but I'm now related to "the last Adam," who "became a life-giving spirit!" (1 Cor 15:45)
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Kings of the Wild Frontier (revisited)
I'm not going to be around a whole lot the next few days, so here's another post that I would have probably waited till tomorrow or Saturday to post.
One of the things I mentioned the other day was that my marriage is the product of grace. I've heard that it's a man and a woman's "love" that keeps a marriage together. Well, would I be going out on a limb to say that no matter how we "try," or no matter how close we come to "being" the love that is Christ-in-us, our love still does fluctuate and is not always dependable?
Other camps say that it's not so much "love" that keeps us together as it is "commitment." But again, I can't even trust my commitments I make to myself, never mind other people! Hear me right, I'm not saying to not love and to not be committed. But what I'm saying is that when two people are together for a lifetime, they can really do things to irk each other! Or they can be so different, and remain so different in their ways of doing things, looking at things, thinking about things... etc... that when our human love and commitments become undependable, the only foundation that is left standing, which is the only real foundation anyway, is God's very own love and grace.
My marriage was truly tested in this, and it was solely because of grace that we came through! This experience caused me to trust much more deeply in God's love and grace and less and less on my own ability to love and be committed. Sounds hard for the religious mind to grasp, I know.
Well, here's the link to a somewhat personal testimony I wrote about earlier this year: Kings of the Wild Frontier
One of the things I mentioned the other day was that my marriage is the product of grace. I've heard that it's a man and a woman's "love" that keeps a marriage together. Well, would I be going out on a limb to say that no matter how we "try," or no matter how close we come to "being" the love that is Christ-in-us, our love still does fluctuate and is not always dependable?
Other camps say that it's not so much "love" that keeps us together as it is "commitment." But again, I can't even trust my commitments I make to myself, never mind other people! Hear me right, I'm not saying to not love and to not be committed. But what I'm saying is that when two people are together for a lifetime, they can really do things to irk each other! Or they can be so different, and remain so different in their ways of doing things, looking at things, thinking about things... etc... that when our human love and commitments become undependable, the only foundation that is left standing, which is the only real foundation anyway, is God's very own love and grace.
My marriage was truly tested in this, and it was solely because of grace that we came through! This experience caused me to trust much more deeply in God's love and grace and less and less on my own ability to love and be committed. Sounds hard for the religious mind to grasp, I know.
Well, here's the link to a somewhat personal testimony I wrote about earlier this year: Kings of the Wild Frontier
My Parents (Part 2 - Part of the Family)
Continuing on in writing about my life being a product of God's love and grace, I'm going to link to another article I wrote in the past.
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Part of the Family
2 Peter 3:18 Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Four days after I was born I arrived in the home of my foster parents. Four months later my foster parents adopted me! Announcements were sent out which declared my name and my full part in this new family.
Time went on, and I did some “growing.” I grew physically, and I grew in my knowledge and understanding of the ways and values of my family. At times, I walked in accordance with those ways but at other times I went in other directions. Let’s just say that my name appeared on the Honor Roll every semester during high school, but it also had many appearances in the local newspaper due to some of my less-than-honorable actions.
During those years my actions seemed to change with the wind, and even I couldn’t predict what my actions would be from day to day. Would I walk in line with the family values I’d been taught or would I go in another direction? Yet through all my changes there is one thing which never changed - one constant thing which I could always rely on. It’s something I never doubted, not even once. No matter what I did, for better or for worse, I always knew that I remained part of the family.
My parents taught me many values, and although they taught me those values for my own good and they always hoped I would walk according to those values, there was something even more important to them than keeping me in line with those values. The fact that I was their son always superseded whatever I did which was contrary to their ways.
Galatians 4:5-7 says that God sent Jesus to redeem us so that we could be adopted as His children. And because we are His children – part of His family - God put the Spirit of Jesus into our hearts. The Spirit of Jesus dwelling in us enables us to be fully personal with God, calling Him “Abba, Father.” We freely relate to Him as a Daddy who dearly loves and accepts His children.
During my unpredictable and “immature” years (my wife would question if those years ever really ended), my parents were faithful to me even though I was disobedient and rebellious at times. They remained faithful to make sure I knew I was their son and they remained faithful to forgive all my misdeeds. No “debt” was ever left hanging over my head. All of this was because of their love for me. I always knew I was fully accepted in the family. When I was walking in the wrong way, Mom was still Mom and Dad was still Dad.
This one constant thing in my life – the love of my parents – is what kept me from questioning my part in the family. It’s also what made me want to please them all the more. When I saw my name in the paper for unlawful behavior I would laugh about it with my friends but deep inside I hated how it made my family look. Yet I can never remember a time when my parents hung my guilt and shame over me. The seeds they planted in my life and the water with which they watered the seeds was always in the form of love.
Over the years I’ve grown in my understanding of God’s unchanging and unconditional love for me. I’ve grown in my understanding of all that the sacrifice of Jesus means. As I continue to grow (my wife is right - I’m by no means anywhere close to having “arrived”) one thing keeps becoming more and more clear to me all the time. Feelings of guilt and shame never draw me closer to my Father. My growth in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has been a result of the constant love and faithfulness of God. His faithfulness always wins over my unfaithfulness. That makes me want to love Him all the more. The life of Jesus in us is what gives us the ability to grow experientially in what we already are – full-fledged, fully accepted children in the family of God.
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Part of the Family
2 Peter 3:18 Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Four days after I was born I arrived in the home of my foster parents. Four months later my foster parents adopted me! Announcements were sent out which declared my name and my full part in this new family.
Time went on, and I did some “growing.” I grew physically, and I grew in my knowledge and understanding of the ways and values of my family. At times, I walked in accordance with those ways but at other times I went in other directions. Let’s just say that my name appeared on the Honor Roll every semester during high school, but it also had many appearances in the local newspaper due to some of my less-than-honorable actions.
During those years my actions seemed to change with the wind, and even I couldn’t predict what my actions would be from day to day. Would I walk in line with the family values I’d been taught or would I go in another direction? Yet through all my changes there is one thing which never changed - one constant thing which I could always rely on. It’s something I never doubted, not even once. No matter what I did, for better or for worse, I always knew that I remained part of the family.
My parents taught me many values, and although they taught me those values for my own good and they always hoped I would walk according to those values, there was something even more important to them than keeping me in line with those values. The fact that I was their son always superseded whatever I did which was contrary to their ways.
Galatians 4:5-7 says that God sent Jesus to redeem us so that we could be adopted as His children. And because we are His children – part of His family - God put the Spirit of Jesus into our hearts. The Spirit of Jesus dwelling in us enables us to be fully personal with God, calling Him “Abba, Father.” We freely relate to Him as a Daddy who dearly loves and accepts His children.
During my unpredictable and “immature” years (my wife would question if those years ever really ended), my parents were faithful to me even though I was disobedient and rebellious at times. They remained faithful to make sure I knew I was their son and they remained faithful to forgive all my misdeeds. No “debt” was ever left hanging over my head. All of this was because of their love for me. I always knew I was fully accepted in the family. When I was walking in the wrong way, Mom was still Mom and Dad was still Dad.
This one constant thing in my life – the love of my parents – is what kept me from questioning my part in the family. It’s also what made me want to please them all the more. When I saw my name in the paper for unlawful behavior I would laugh about it with my friends but deep inside I hated how it made my family look. Yet I can never remember a time when my parents hung my guilt and shame over me. The seeds they planted in my life and the water with which they watered the seeds was always in the form of love.
Over the years I’ve grown in my understanding of God’s unchanging and unconditional love for me. I’ve grown in my understanding of all that the sacrifice of Jesus means. As I continue to grow (my wife is right - I’m by no means anywhere close to having “arrived”) one thing keeps becoming more and more clear to me all the time. Feelings of guilt and shame never draw me closer to my Father. My growth in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has been a result of the constant love and faithfulness of God. His faithfulness always wins over my unfaithfulness. That makes me want to love Him all the more. The life of Jesus in us is what gives us the ability to grow experientially in what we already are – full-fledged, fully accepted children in the family of God.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
My Parents (Part 1 - What We Need, Not What We Deserve)
The other day I talked about looking back on my life and coming to the conclusion that I am a product and an object of God's love and grace. There's just no denying it. Well, I mentioned having been adopted into a loving family, with parents who didn't "teach" grace doctrine as much as they lived it. I sit here and think about it all, and I could probably write a book on this! Instead, I'm going to copy and paste an article I wrote two years ago. I will say in general that I saw (and still see) my parents as being very generous to others and very accepting of others. We had over 20 foster kids in our home over the years, as well as foreign exchange students and many other visitors and guests. I started off as one of those foster kids, and I ended up as one of three children adopted by my parents (my older sister and younger sister were also adopted, and my older brother is my parents' biological son). Again, there's so much more that could be said!
The article here is the first article I wrote for my church two years ago. I've posted all my articles on another blog, but I may be retiring that blog soon because I've recently "resigned" from writing that article. So, below is that first article in its entirety.
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What We Need, Not What We Deserve
It’s a Saturday night in October of 1988. I’m 19 years old, and I’m ready to go have some fun! I’m grabbing some friends and we’re going road-tripping down the highways and back roads surrounding my hometown of Waverly. But what kind of fun would it be without a case of beer and a two bottles of Mad Dog 20/20? It seemed like the perfect touch to an evening of fun and laughter – until…
The article here is the first article I wrote for my church two years ago. I've posted all my articles on another blog, but I may be retiring that blog soon because I've recently "resigned" from writing that article. So, below is that first article in its entirety.
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What We Need, Not What We Deserve
It’s a Saturday night in October of 1988. I’m 19 years old, and I’m ready to go have some fun! I’m grabbing some friends and we’re going road-tripping down the highways and back roads surrounding my hometown of Waverly. But what kind of fun would it be without a case of beer and a two bottles of Mad Dog 20/20? It seemed like the perfect touch to an evening of fun and laughter – until…
Our fun and laughter ended up in fear and screaming after my inattentive eyes missed a “curve ahead” road sign on the gravel road. Amazingly - and thankfully - this part of the story ends with no one getting seriously hurt. In fact, as all our friends drove by the following day to view my totaled car which had been towed from the ditch in which it had landed upside down, they marveled that we were alive at all.
But the most amazing part of this story is yet to come. Something which has impacted me in a far greater way. And it all centers around grace. Back up to the previous year. My pastor-dad and mom had gone beyond their means to purchase this car for me so I would have wheels while I was 100 miles away at college. When I dropped out after only 4 months my parents were undoubtedly disappointed but they graciously welcomed me back home and granted me the continued use of the car and all the other benefits of being a son. I sure had a fine way of showing them how thankful I was, eh.
After sitting with my buddy in the local jail overnight, we were released early Sunday morning. We walked across the river, viewed my smashed up “college” car for the last time and then I slowly and hesitantly walked home, not exactly eager to face my parents. My mom was standing in the kitchen, getting ready for church. I didn’t know what to say. I’m sure my parents were angry. I’m sure they were deeply disappointed. I’m sure they weren’t even sure what to think or say. But five words came out of my mom’s mouth which would eventually have more of an impact on my relationship with God than I ever would have imagined at the time. “We’re just glad you’re ok.”
Disappointment and anger were probably only the beginning of the flood of emotions mom and dad were having, and add to that the fear and worry about their seemingly messed-up son’s future. But whatever dismal thoughts may have been going through their minds, there was something else on the inside of my parents which superseded all of it. Their main concern was to let me know I was loved. They most certainly had every right to go all off on me and let me know how I had let them down, and those thoughts probably tempted them more than I’ll ever know. My neck deserved a good wringing. But they didn’t give me what I deserved. They gave me what I needed.
They confirmed to me that I was still their son. The deafening silence - there were no long talks, no sermons, no preaching – spoke to me more than anything else could have. That said, I still had a lot of growing to do, and it’s not as if I didn’t push the limits from time to time. My life was by no means instantly transformed at the time. It wasn’t until a few years down the line that this experience spoke even more clearly to me about the love of my parents – and the love of God.
I came to a stage in life when I was beginning to learn more about the grace of God – His favor and blessing which is given to me freely, which I have done nothing to earn, and in fact which is given to me despite the fact that the absolute total of what I have “earned” really only amounts to death and condemnation. One day I was thinking about this time in my past when I had been given what I didn’t deserve by my parents. Suddenly the magnitude of how they had responded to my needs rather than reacted to my actions hit me like a ton of bricks and I was swept up in a huge emotional wave. My experience from the past provided me with a clear picture of a loving Father who gives grace to those who need it, not to those who deserve it. And for perhaps the first time in my life I truly appreciated the immeasurable freedom and grace which had been given to me over the years by my earthly parents and my Heavenly Father.
I don’t want to imply that the way my parents treated this matter was the only way. I can’t guarantee that when both my kids become teenagers, my wife and I will respond in the same way to their misdeeds! I hope and pray that by the Spirit of God in us, we’ll raise them with godly love, grace and discipline. But what’s really wonderful is that we have a Father who always knows exactly how to treat us. The good news is that while He is well aware of our faults, He is much more interested in providing for us what we need rather than what we deserve. He proved it with the Cross.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Cry for Love
Great one from Smitty.
My life is like a racing car
Hurtling t'wards the wall
At the speed of sound
My time has been so finely tuned
But I've never seen a human being so tightly wound
At times it seems beyond belief
I just need a bit of relief
Like a war-weary soldier
Marching up and over the edge
Take my hand and pull me up 'cause I'm falling too fast
Somehow I've lost my way - I'm crying, "Save me."
Chorus
Can You hear me? I'm calling out.
I'm crying out, a cry for love.
I can feel You, You're touching me.
You're healing me, my cry for love
I will be the first to admit
I don't have strength to handle it alone anymore
I don't have to fret, don't have to explain
All my worrying's in vain
I'm not alone anymore
Why is this so hard to believe?
What is mine is mine to freely receive
Like the changing of seasons
This is the beauty of the word
And for all that I have seen and heard
Oh I want to come home
Somehow I'll make my way, my way home to you
Chorus
Bridge:
Oh father hear my call (oh father hear my call)
I know you will catch me when I fall
Oh father hear my call
I know you'll catch me when I fall
Oh I pray that you'll hold me now
And take my fear away
I'm crying save me
Oh I know that You can hear me
Hear me crying out for love
Oh I know that You can feel my cry for love
I can hear you - you're calling out
You're crying out - a cry for love
I can feel You - You're touching me
You're healing me - my cry for love
My life is like a racing car
Hurtling t'wards the wall
At the speed of sound
My time has been so finely tuned
But I've never seen a human being so tightly wound
At times it seems beyond belief
I just need a bit of relief
Like a war-weary soldier
Marching up and over the edge
Take my hand and pull me up 'cause I'm falling too fast
Somehow I've lost my way - I'm crying, "Save me."
Chorus
Can You hear me? I'm calling out.
I'm crying out, a cry for love.
I can feel You, You're touching me.
You're healing me, my cry for love
I will be the first to admit
I don't have strength to handle it alone anymore
I don't have to fret, don't have to explain
All my worrying's in vain
I'm not alone anymore
Why is this so hard to believe?
What is mine is mine to freely receive
Like the changing of seasons
This is the beauty of the word
And for all that I have seen and heard
Oh I want to come home
Somehow I'll make my way, my way home to you
Chorus
Bridge:
Oh father hear my call (oh father hear my call)
I know you will catch me when I fall
Oh father hear my call
I know you'll catch me when I fall
Oh I pray that you'll hold me now
And take my fear away
I'm crying save me
Oh I know that You can hear me
Hear me crying out for love
Oh I know that You can feel my cry for love
I can hear you - you're calling out
You're crying out - a cry for love
I can feel You - You're touching me
You're healing me - my cry for love
Grace (redone)
| Grace is not... | Grace is... |
| -merely one subject of many in Christianity | -the essence of the Christian life |
| -a "method" for holy living | -the holy life of Jesus that indwells the believer |
| -power for humans to keep the law | -the power of God working in the believer as he/she rests in Jesus |
| -limited to the forgiveness of sins | -the all-encompassing power for every single matter in the Christian life |
| -license to sin | -freedom from sin |
| -through Moses | -through Jesus |
| -added to our works | -God's work in us |
| -for the proud | -for the humble |
| -wages for our deeds | -the free gift of God |
| -the result of our commitment or faithfulness to God | -the result of God's commitment and faithfulness to us |
| -the result of us exercising our gifts and talents | -the means through which our gifts and talents are exercised |
| -limited in supply | -abounding toward us, so that we, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work. |
| -something you "hope" will be there | -exceedingly rich and abundant, without end |
| -something to come back to now and then | -what the heart should be established in |
| -unproductive | -fertile soil |
| -cheap | -free |
Not falling for it anymore
My 6 1/2 year old daughter was talking back to both Diego and Dora this morning. She used to mimic them; now she talks back. Really, it's constructive criticism. ;) "Why don't you just go around the mountain?" "Hey, you can't just reach up and grab that jaguar out of the tree!" (In case you're not familiar with "Go, Diego, Go" and "Dora the Explorer," they are usually off on some sort of mission to rescue someone or help someone out in some way, and they face several "obstacles" along the way).
I wasn't in the room this morning to actually see the Dora episode, but apparently Dora had a mountain in front of her with some obstacles on it that she had to conquer in order to move on to the next step. And apparently Dora didn't see what my daughter saw - that she could just go around the mountain!
Although I want my girl to never grow up (I want her to stay 6 and innocent forever!), I'm also happy to see her not-so-innocent mind at work like this. She's not simply following what people show her, but she sees other solutions. At least in this case, anyway. She's not falling for the "lie" that Dora's and Diego's writers presented to her. :)
I'm also happy when I see my brothers and sisters in Christ stop falling for the lies of religion that are taught in churches these days. I look back on my Christian life and I see all the religious and fleshly things I tried to do and maintain in order to have victory in my Christian life. You could say I tried to climb many mountains when all I really had to do was go around them. I'm talking about the mountains known as rules, laws, conditions, etc. All of these things have the appearance of godliness. "If I can just get myself to live by this rule or law, then I'll have victory in Jesus!" But victory in Jesus not by rules and laws. It's a gift that we walk in. "The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Cor 15:56-57).
I fully understand that there is a natural order of things in this world. "Rules" and "laws" that are unchangeable, such as "if I don't brush my teeth, they'll eventually fall out." "If I don't water my plants, they'll die." "If I drink too much, my liver will be damaged." "My children can't raise themselves." "You reap what you sow."
But what I'm talking about is: The next time someone tries to teach you a law or rule to follow in order to achieve victory in your Christian life, remind yourself that sin's strength is the law! And remind yourself that the victory is given to us through the Person, Jesus. If you want victory over the flesh, it's not achieved by following fleshly rules and commands. It's by walking in the Life of Jesus that indwells us.
Dora, with the help of her viewers cheering her on and shouting "SALTO!" ("JUMP!") when the giant Easter eggs come rolling down the mountain right towards her, always seems to magically find victory! Hmm. But in the real world, if she were to keep putting herself in those situations, eventually one of those giant Easter eggs would... Ok, I wont to go there! (And where in the 'real world' would you find a mountain with giant Easter eggs rolling down it, anyway!).
The flesh may seem to provide strength and victory, for a time. The flesh may even become very disciplined and take on the appearance of a dedicated, victorious Christian lifestyle. But in the long run, the flesh's adherence to rules and laws is simply no match for the world, the flesh and the devil. Eventually, the pressure builds up and the steam needs release. Eventually, the earthen vessel cracks. Eventually, the horse and pony show ends. Eventually, the plastic smile wears off. Eventually, the volcano erupts.
This is why I continue to give myself over to grace. I give myself over to the Person, Jesus, who loved me and gave Himself for me. The life I live in the flesh, I live by faith in this Person - this real, live Person, who is in me and is one with me (1 Cor 6:17). Thanks be to Jesus, whose yoke is easy and whose burden is light. Thanks be to God, who doesn't ask earthen vessels to perform in their own power - which is no power at all - but who comes to live in the earthen vessels to show the world that the all-surpassing power is HIS! Thanks be to God, who doesn't ask us to put on a show for Him or for the world, or a fake smile or attitude, but who Himself works in us mightily (Col 1:29) and who Himself continues to perform in us the good work that He Himself began! (Phil 1:6).
I wasn't in the room this morning to actually see the Dora episode, but apparently Dora had a mountain in front of her with some obstacles on it that she had to conquer in order to move on to the next step. And apparently Dora didn't see what my daughter saw - that she could just go around the mountain!
Although I want my girl to never grow up (I want her to stay 6 and innocent forever!), I'm also happy to see her not-so-innocent mind at work like this. She's not simply following what people show her, but she sees other solutions. At least in this case, anyway. She's not falling for the "lie" that Dora's and Diego's writers presented to her. :)
I'm also happy when I see my brothers and sisters in Christ stop falling for the lies of religion that are taught in churches these days. I look back on my Christian life and I see all the religious and fleshly things I tried to do and maintain in order to have victory in my Christian life. You could say I tried to climb many mountains when all I really had to do was go around them. I'm talking about the mountains known as rules, laws, conditions, etc. All of these things have the appearance of godliness. "If I can just get myself to live by this rule or law, then I'll have victory in Jesus!" But victory in Jesus not by rules and laws. It's a gift that we walk in. "The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Cor 15:56-57).
I fully understand that there is a natural order of things in this world. "Rules" and "laws" that are unchangeable, such as "if I don't brush my teeth, they'll eventually fall out." "If I don't water my plants, they'll die." "If I drink too much, my liver will be damaged." "My children can't raise themselves." "You reap what you sow."
But what I'm talking about is: The next time someone tries to teach you a law or rule to follow in order to achieve victory in your Christian life, remind yourself that sin's strength is the law! And remind yourself that the victory is given to us through the Person, Jesus. If you want victory over the flesh, it's not achieved by following fleshly rules and commands. It's by walking in the Life of Jesus that indwells us.
Dora, with the help of her viewers cheering her on and shouting "SALTO!" ("JUMP!") when the giant Easter eggs come rolling down the mountain right towards her, always seems to magically find victory! Hmm. But in the real world, if she were to keep putting herself in those situations, eventually one of those giant Easter eggs would... Ok, I wont to go there! (And where in the 'real world' would you find a mountain with giant Easter eggs rolling down it, anyway!).
The flesh may seem to provide strength and victory, for a time. The flesh may even become very disciplined and take on the appearance of a dedicated, victorious Christian lifestyle. But in the long run, the flesh's adherence to rules and laws is simply no match for the world, the flesh and the devil. Eventually, the pressure builds up and the steam needs release. Eventually, the earthen vessel cracks. Eventually, the horse and pony show ends. Eventually, the plastic smile wears off. Eventually, the volcano erupts.
This is why I continue to give myself over to grace. I give myself over to the Person, Jesus, who loved me and gave Himself for me. The life I live in the flesh, I live by faith in this Person - this real, live Person, who is in me and is one with me (1 Cor 6:17). Thanks be to Jesus, whose yoke is easy and whose burden is light. Thanks be to God, who doesn't ask earthen vessels to perform in their own power - which is no power at all - but who comes to live in the earthen vessels to show the world that the all-surpassing power is HIS! Thanks be to God, who doesn't ask us to put on a show for Him or for the world, or a fake smile or attitude, but who Himself works in us mightily (Col 1:29) and who Himself continues to perform in us the good work that He Himself began! (Phil 1:6).
1 Thess 5:23-24
Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Introspective, thankful
Proverbs 16:9What am I? Why am I? Who am I?
In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.
1 Cor 15:10a
By the grace of God I am what I am...
Phil 1:6
Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ...
All I really know... and I really do know this... is that I am an object of God's love and grace. I know that I'm not a product of my own devising, creating, planning, preparing, determining, perfecting, etc.
My heart and my mind have made many plans. I've had many ideas and many dreams and desires. But as I look back on my life, I see that what "I am" is not a result of anything that I've caused to happen.
Several things have been running around in my mind lately. Perhaps, well, definitely, too much for one blog post. I'll break it up into several posts over a period of time. Here's a tentative list of what I want to write about. These are things that I know are by grace, and not by my own determination and strength, nor by my own faithfulness nor self-determined commitment. Some are obvious, and some will "shock" the daylights out of people with preconceived, performance-based ideas of how life in Christ works.
1. I was adopted into a loving family, with parents who didn't "teach" grace doctrine as much as they lived it.
2. My coming to Christ. I DO NOT KNOW how or why I am so drawn to the things of Christ, except for the fact that it's by His grace. If it were up to me and the level of my commitment to God, I would have NO relationship with God! But His grace and His love have drawn me in, and it's His grace and His love that keeps me. It's nothing less than that! My love for Him and my commitment to Him is so very inconsistent. If not for His commitment to me, and His love for me, there would be no sustained relationship here! Don't get me wrong... this relationship thrives! But it thrives based upon His grace, His work in me, His determining of my steps.
3. My relationship with my wife. I admit it - in and of myself, I'm addicted to myself and what I want and how I want things to be. Yeah, I've been slowly losing my grip on this - due to GRACE, but if it were up to me to sustain a godly relationship with my wife, there would be no relationship. I've learned that I want - I desperately want - a good, solid relationship with my wife. And I tried for several years to make that happen. But all the trying in the world didn't work. In fact, it made things worse! I've already blogged about this, and I'll provide the link when I get around to sharing more.
4. I spent 11 years in Christian radio. So what? Well... I'm shy. I'm an introvert. My close friends and family would disagree, but in reality I'm not a "crowd" person. I'd rather stay away from places where a lot of people gather. I'd rather write than speak. And so on and so on. My 11 years in radio were nothing short of a miracle. I NEVER, EVER, EVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER would have sought any kind of a career behind a mic. I fought with God almost all of the 11 years! "This isn't me." "I can't do this." But it "is" me, because it's who God made me to be, solely by His grace.
I think there may be more than this list of four things in my life that prove that life is by grace. But these four stick out to me, and I look forward to sharing more about them in the days ahead.
5 Things I Dig About Jesus
I've been tagged by Alan to post 5 Things I Dig About Jesus. At first I thought, "Wow, this will be so fun!" but then I thought, "How in the world am I going to limit this to just five things!" :) (I tend to labor too much over simple things).
Well, I'll just have to prove myself wrong!
First, the rules:
1. Those Tagged will share 5 things they dig about Jesus.
2. Those tagged will tag 5 other bloggers.
3. Those tagged will provide a link in the comments section here of their meme so that others can read them.
Here are 5 things I dig about Jesus:
1. While the Law was given through Moses, Grace and Truth came through Jesus
2. God did not send Jesus into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
3. We have been made alive together with Jesus
4. Jesus has called us His friends
5. It is in Jesus that we are complete
Wow... that was easy and fun!
Now... I gotta tag 5 peeps.
1. Nightwatch
2. Angela (or Women of Worship)
3. Only Look To Christ
4. Matthew
5. Laboring to Rest
Remember, if you deny Jesus before man... OH COME ON! Hehehe... I get enough of those emails and I'm not about to say that if you don't do this, you'll have bad luck or you don't love Jesus, or blah blah blah... :)
Well, I'll just have to prove myself wrong!
First, the rules:
1. Those Tagged will share 5 things they dig about Jesus.
2. Those tagged will tag 5 other bloggers.
3. Those tagged will provide a link in the comments section here of their meme so that others can read them.
Here are 5 things I dig about Jesus:
1. While the Law was given through Moses, Grace and Truth came through Jesus
2. God did not send Jesus into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
3. We have been made alive together with Jesus
4. Jesus has called us His friends
5. It is in Jesus that we are complete
Wow... that was easy and fun!
Now... I gotta tag 5 peeps.
1. Nightwatch
2. Angela (or Women of Worship)
3. Only Look To Christ
4. Matthew
5. Laboring to Rest
Remember, if you deny Jesus before man... OH COME ON! Hehehe... I get enough of those emails and I'm not about to say that if you don't do this, you'll have bad luck or you don't love Jesus, or blah blah blah... :)
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Grace
Grace is not...
-merely one subject of many in Christianity
-a "method" for holy living
-power for humans to keep the law
-limited to the forgiveness of sins
-license to sin
-through Moses
-added to our works
-for the proud
-wages for our deeds
-the result of our commitment or faithfulness to God
-the result of us exercising our gifts and talents
-limited in supply
-something you "hope" will be there
-something to come back to now and then
-unproductive
-cheap
Grace is...
-the essence of the Christian life
-the holy life of Jesus that indwells the believer
-the power of God to working in the believer as he/she rests in Jesus
-the all-encompassing power for every single matter in the Christian life
-freedom from sin
-through Jesus
-God's work in us
-for the humble
-the free gift of God
-the result of God's commitment and faithfulness to us
-the means through which our gifts and talents are exercised
-abounding toward us, so that we, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.
-exceedingly rich and abundant, without end
-what the heart should be established in
-fertile soil
-free
-merely one subject of many in Christianity
-a "method" for holy living
-power for humans to keep the law
-limited to the forgiveness of sins
-license to sin
-through Moses
-added to our works
-for the proud
-wages for our deeds
-the result of our commitment or faithfulness to God
-the result of us exercising our gifts and talents
-limited in supply
-something you "hope" will be there
-something to come back to now and then
-unproductive
-cheap
Grace is...
-the essence of the Christian life
-the holy life of Jesus that indwells the believer
-the power of God to working in the believer as he/she rests in Jesus
-the all-encompassing power for every single matter in the Christian life
-freedom from sin
-through Jesus
-God's work in us
-for the humble
-the free gift of God
-the result of God's commitment and faithfulness to us
-the means through which our gifts and talents are exercised
-abounding toward us, so that we, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.
-exceedingly rich and abundant, without end
-what the heart should be established in
-fertile soil
-free
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Natural Fruit
When I began writing my last post, I had intentions other than how it turned out. But as it unfolded, I found a lot of joy in remembering how my grace walk began, and in sharing some of what it means to me to live by grace.
My initial intention was to link to a post written by Matthew, who I mentioned early on in the post. As I said, I see many similarities in our ways of thinking. I like how Matthew wears his heart on his sleeve and how he's been sharing his joys and struggles as he's been giving himself fully over to God's grace.
Matthew, while being a fairly new Christian, and even "newer" in his grace walk, wrote something the other day that could very easily be a nice summary of what I've learned in the past 12 years! See his post, "Natural Fruit." Check out the rest of his blog as well!
My initial intention was to link to a post written by Matthew, who I mentioned early on in the post. As I said, I see many similarities in our ways of thinking. I like how Matthew wears his heart on his sleeve and how he's been sharing his joys and struggles as he's been giving himself fully over to God's grace.
Matthew, while being a fairly new Christian, and even "newer" in his grace walk, wrote something the other day that could very easily be a nice summary of what I've learned in the past 12 years! See his post, "Natural Fruit." Check out the rest of his blog as well!
Fear of grace
I've recently come into contact with someone named Matthew through the wonderful world of Blogger. Matthew came to the Lord about a year ago, and he has recently taken the plunge into something that he admits he's often afraid of - living solely by God's wonderful grace and trusting the life of Jesus in Him rather than trusting in religion or self-effort in living the Christian life. We've exchanged a couple of emails, and as I read his blog I see so many similarities between his questions and thoughts and the questions and thoughts that I've had and continue to have ever since I took the plunge a dozen years ago.
I can truly relate to the "fear" of living by grace. I remember back to that time 12 years ago when I had been wondering and worrying about giving myself completely over to God's grace. I truly feared that I would fall into licentiousness, or at least that I would get lazy in my Christian walk and would perhaps stop caring about my life in Christ. For a period of time I hesitated, but one day I remember seeing myself in my mind (not a "vision," so to speak, but just an image in my mind) standing near the edge of a cliff. I couldn't see what was over the cliff, but I knew that somewhere down below was a sea of grace. In other words, I knew that "grace" was beyond the cliff, but I couldn't really see what it looked like or what it was all about. But I had heard enough about it, and I can remember finally taking that "virtual" step off of the cliff.
I really didn't know what would happen, but I realized that my step turned into a dive and I found myself free-falling ever so briefly and then there I was, floating restfully in the sea of grace. It's hard to explain the imagery of the mind, but the gist of all this was that I took the plunge and I was no longer trusting in my own strength to live the Christian life and I was solely trusting in grace. I can't begin to tell you how my life changed. The roller coaster ride of feeling joyful when I felt I was performing well, and feeling very low when I wasn't performing so well, was over!
And no, I didn't get lazy in my walk with Jesus. Rather, my walk became restful (soooo different from lazy) and I took on a new-found JOY in serving and walking with Jesus!
And let me tell you about one of the biggest changes that took place at that time. It's in regards to sin. What I'm about to say will scare the living daylights out of legalists. And I can understand, because it was one of my biggest fears that kept me from giving myself over to grace. Part of my plunge into grace involved the decision to stop trying to stop sinning. I fully understand how haphazard and irresponsible that sounds! But follow me through on this - Up to that point in my Christian walk, I had tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to stop sinning, many many many many many many many times, but the sum total of all my trying was a seeming victory here and there, but mostly a LOT of guilt from failure and from not measuring up to how I thought my "victorious" Christian life should truly be.
So... I gave up trying. Have I had a perfect track record since that day? Of course not! But you see, in addition to simply giving up trying, I also began to trust in the powerful, sufficient grace of God for each and every moment of life. I came to understand that my life in Christ is not a matter of focusing on all the sins that I need to stop doing and all the good things that I need to start doing. My life in Christ is... Christ's life! As I abide in Him, that is, as I simply rest in Him, I live and move and have my being in Him. As I previously learned, if I go off track and "I" try to get myself back on track, my life becomes even more of a mess! As if "I" can keep myself on track or get myself back on track! But His life in me has a way of gently and perfectly restoring the things that I have absolutely no power over.
Mankind was never meant to live an independent life anyway. "Life" has always been by grace. There is no real life apart from dependence upon God, no matter how hard we try and no matter how well we are at faking the real thing.
I can truly relate to the "fear" of living by grace. I remember back to that time 12 years ago when I had been wondering and worrying about giving myself completely over to God's grace. I truly feared that I would fall into licentiousness, or at least that I would get lazy in my Christian walk and would perhaps stop caring about my life in Christ. For a period of time I hesitated, but one day I remember seeing myself in my mind (not a "vision," so to speak, but just an image in my mind) standing near the edge of a cliff. I couldn't see what was over the cliff, but I knew that somewhere down below was a sea of grace. In other words, I knew that "grace" was beyond the cliff, but I couldn't really see what it looked like or what it was all about. But I had heard enough about it, and I can remember finally taking that "virtual" step off of the cliff.
I really didn't know what would happen, but I realized that my step turned into a dive and I found myself free-falling ever so briefly and then there I was, floating restfully in the sea of grace. It's hard to explain the imagery of the mind, but the gist of all this was that I took the plunge and I was no longer trusting in my own strength to live the Christian life and I was solely trusting in grace. I can't begin to tell you how my life changed. The roller coaster ride of feeling joyful when I felt I was performing well, and feeling very low when I wasn't performing so well, was over!
And no, I didn't get lazy in my walk with Jesus. Rather, my walk became restful (soooo different from lazy) and I took on a new-found JOY in serving and walking with Jesus!
And let me tell you about one of the biggest changes that took place at that time. It's in regards to sin. What I'm about to say will scare the living daylights out of legalists. And I can understand, because it was one of my biggest fears that kept me from giving myself over to grace. Part of my plunge into grace involved the decision to stop trying to stop sinning. I fully understand how haphazard and irresponsible that sounds! But follow me through on this - Up to that point in my Christian walk, I had tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to stop sinning, many many many many many many many times, but the sum total of all my trying was a seeming victory here and there, but mostly a LOT of guilt from failure and from not measuring up to how I thought my "victorious" Christian life should truly be.
So... I gave up trying. Have I had a perfect track record since that day? Of course not! But you see, in addition to simply giving up trying, I also began to trust in the powerful, sufficient grace of God for each and every moment of life. I came to understand that my life in Christ is not a matter of focusing on all the sins that I need to stop doing and all the good things that I need to start doing. My life in Christ is... Christ's life! As I abide in Him, that is, as I simply rest in Him, I live and move and have my being in Him. As I previously learned, if I go off track and "I" try to get myself back on track, my life becomes even more of a mess! As if "I" can keep myself on track or get myself back on track! But His life in me has a way of gently and perfectly restoring the things that I have absolutely no power over.
Mankind was never meant to live an independent life anyway. "Life" has always been by grace. There is no real life apart from dependence upon God, no matter how hard we try and no matter how well we are at faking the real thing.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Find a Way
"I know it's hard to see the past and still believe... Love is gonna find a way."
"Leave behind the doubt. Love's the only out. Love will surely find a way."
Amy Grant - Find A Way
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"If our God His Son not sparing
Came to rescue you
Is there any circumstance
He can't see you through."
"Leave behind the doubt. Love's the only out. Love will surely find a way."
Amy Grant - Find A Way
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"If our God His Son not sparing
Came to rescue you
Is there any circumstance
He can't see you through."
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Another plug for "Grace" stories
A while back I asked if anyone had any True Stories of Grace that they might like to share with me. Although I don't know "who" reads my blogs (Myspace and Blogger), I do seem to be getting a few more hits these days and I thought I put out another plug for stories. Maybe you're new or maybe you've been reading a while, but either way I'd like to hear from you. If you read the original post, you'll see what I'm looking for, and really what I'm looking for is anything to do with how grace has worked in your life in any way, shape or form!
Your story, no matter how long or how short, nor how detailed, nor how... whatever, may just inspire someone else, so feel free to share in your own words, in your own style, from your own perspective, how you've seen grace at work in and through your life. You can contact me at:
Your story, no matter how long or how short, nor how detailed, nor how... whatever, may just inspire someone else, so feel free to share in your own words, in your own style, from your own perspective, how you've seen grace at work in and through your life. You can contact me at:
Angela's story
This is from a friend of mine, Angela Stolpe, who used to live in my area and who, along with her husband and kids, was part of my church and part of the small group that my family is a part of.
God's Grace, an amazing gift, so grand there just isn't enough words to describe all of the ways I have seen it in my life. To me, grace is a picture of the body of Christ reaching out and changing lives. In all of my experiences with grace, here is a snapshot of a few of the people who allowed Christ to work through them.Thank you, Angela, for sharing this with me and allowing me to share it with others!
I didn't grow up in a Christian home. It's not that my mother didn't believe in God, there was just never any discussion of faith. The first time I heard of Jesus was when I was invited to a youth group activity by a friend my freshman year of high school. Sometimes, God's grace is as simple as that, inviting a person to hear the name of Jesus. I was hooked immediately. As a confused teenage girl, Jesus was exactly what I needed. I hungered for a relationship that accepted me, loved me and forgave me. I needed a father. I hadn't known my own earthly father.
The body of Christ was at work, reaching out to me, showing me His love. I was one of only a few kids in the youth group that hadn't been in the church my entire life. I was different, having seen and experienced things my peers couldn't have imagined. God's grace is what gave the adults the strength to reach out to the awkward immoral girl in the middle of their youth department. Someone always offered me a ride to the next activity or even just to church on Sunday. There was an amazing women who would take the time to study the Word with me once a week. She never judged me, she listened and taught me. She is a picture of God's grace to a person who has never seen His face.
I don't remember the exact day I accepted Jesus as my Savior. It was a process, I observed, I learned and then I knew. Grace is an amazing thing because it is always there, faithful.
My new found faith was causing my family to feel judged and me to feel alone. Even though my life at home was full of freewill, living a life for Christ really wasn't one of my options. Once again God used his people. I am so thankful for a family that brought me into their home and changed my life. It was at Sunday dinner during a simple conversation that I learned what my salvation meant. They told me I was a new creation, God had a plan for my life. I can still feel how wonderful it was to be told that I was worth something and that God had created me for a reason.
It truly is "by the grace of God that I am what I am".
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
10 Exchanged Life truths that will change your life
First, some highlighted truth from scripture:
These are just a few of the key verses that lead to the understanding of what is commonly known as the "Exchanged Life."
All this tells me several things (I'm writing all these in the first person, so anyone can read these in the sense of applying the truth personally, because it's true!):
1) I don't "try" to make my life acceptable to God. I now have His life. He is very pleased with me because it's no longer "I" who am trying to make my life acceptable, but His life in me is what makes my life acceptable to Him.
2) I have died to the Law. My life isn't about trying to keep the law, live by the law, follow the law, keep the commandments, live under the law, submit to the law, receive moral guidance from the law or have any kind of relationship with the law whatsoever. Dying to the law was the only way that I could "live to God."
3) I was crucified with Christ. When Christ died, I died. This is obviously not a "physical" reality, because I wasn't physically on the cross with Christ. But spiritually speaking, was I there when they crucified my Lord? Yep indeedy!
4) I was raised with Him. When Christ arose, I arose with Him. I have been made alive together with Him.
5) It is no longer I who live. I (the person I was in Adam) died and I took on new life - the life of Christ. I exchanged "my" life for the life of Christ!
6) "My" sin is not my sin. It is "in" me, but it is not me. Jesus became sin for me that I might become the righteousness of God in Him. My sin was exchanged for God's very own righteousness! When I do the evil things that I hate and when I don't do the good that I want to do, "it is no longer I, but sin that dwells in me." Sin dwells in my body, but it's no longer "my" sin. It dwells in my body, and my body is corruptible and will return to dust, and one day I'll "put on incorruptible." (1 Cor 15:52-53).
7) God is not angry with me. God is not disgusted with me. God is not disappointed in me. In order to be disappointed, one must first have had expectations. God never expected anything from me! That's why He crucified me with Christ and gave me Christ's life, so the life I live is no longer mine. To say that God is angry with me is to say that Christ's sacrifice wasn't sufficient. If God were still angry with my sins, then Christ would have to come back over and over again and lay down His life time and time again for my sins. But God dealt with my sins quite sufficiently. The "handwriting of requirements that was against me" was "taken out of the way" and "nailed to the cross." (Col2:14). If God were disgusted with me, then He'd have to be disgusted with Jesus, because the life I live is His life in me.
8) Changing my behavior didn't cause any of this to happen, and changing my behavior can't sustain any of it! If I want victory over the flesh, it's not going to be by changing my behavior. Victory over the flesh is the same as living in Christ, which is the same as coming to Christ - it's all by faith, apart from works.
9) Christ loved me and gave Himself for me. He loves me.
10) I am complete in Him. This is where the new life begins. We are complete in Him, and the life we live in the body is lived by faith in Christ, and is lived out of this state of already being complete in Him.
Focus on any and all of these truths often! Meditate upon these things that the Bible says are true about us. Don't live in self-disappointment, or thinking that God is disappointed or is holding anything you've done or will ever do against you. Live in the reality of the new life you have in Christ! When you mess up, remember it was sin "in you," and not the "you" that you really are. Don't walk in guilt, but rather with a constant realization and re-realization that your life is not "sin," but your life is Christ!
I died.All the above are taken from Galatians 2:19-20, 2 Corinthians 5:21, Romans 7:9 and Colossians 2:10-13
It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.
Through the law I died to the law that I might live to God.
I have been crucified with Christ.
The life I live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
You are complete in Him.
You... were raised with Him through faith in the working of God.
He has made us alive together with Him.
These are just a few of the key verses that lead to the understanding of what is commonly known as the "Exchanged Life."
All this tells me several things (I'm writing all these in the first person, so anyone can read these in the sense of applying the truth personally, because it's true!):
1) I don't "try" to make my life acceptable to God. I now have His life. He is very pleased with me because it's no longer "I" who am trying to make my life acceptable, but His life in me is what makes my life acceptable to Him.
2) I have died to the Law. My life isn't about trying to keep the law, live by the law, follow the law, keep the commandments, live under the law, submit to the law, receive moral guidance from the law or have any kind of relationship with the law whatsoever. Dying to the law was the only way that I could "live to God."
3) I was crucified with Christ. When Christ died, I died. This is obviously not a "physical" reality, because I wasn't physically on the cross with Christ. But spiritually speaking, was I there when they crucified my Lord? Yep indeedy!
4) I was raised with Him. When Christ arose, I arose with Him. I have been made alive together with Him.
5) It is no longer I who live. I (the person I was in Adam) died and I took on new life - the life of Christ. I exchanged "my" life for the life of Christ!
6) "My" sin is not my sin. It is "in" me, but it is not me. Jesus became sin for me that I might become the righteousness of God in Him. My sin was exchanged for God's very own righteousness! When I do the evil things that I hate and when I don't do the good that I want to do, "it is no longer I, but sin that dwells in me." Sin dwells in my body, but it's no longer "my" sin. It dwells in my body, and my body is corruptible and will return to dust, and one day I'll "put on incorruptible." (1 Cor 15:52-53).
7) God is not angry with me. God is not disgusted with me. God is not disappointed in me. In order to be disappointed, one must first have had expectations. God never expected anything from me! That's why He crucified me with Christ and gave me Christ's life, so the life I live is no longer mine. To say that God is angry with me is to say that Christ's sacrifice wasn't sufficient. If God were still angry with my sins, then Christ would have to come back over and over again and lay down His life time and time again for my sins. But God dealt with my sins quite sufficiently. The "handwriting of requirements that was against me" was "taken out of the way" and "nailed to the cross." (Col2:14). If God were disgusted with me, then He'd have to be disgusted with Jesus, because the life I live is His life in me.
8) Changing my behavior didn't cause any of this to happen, and changing my behavior can't sustain any of it! If I want victory over the flesh, it's not going to be by changing my behavior. Victory over the flesh is the same as living in Christ, which is the same as coming to Christ - it's all by faith, apart from works.
9) Christ loved me and gave Himself for me. He loves me.
10) I am complete in Him. This is where the new life begins. We are complete in Him, and the life we live in the body is lived by faith in Christ, and is lived out of this state of already being complete in Him.
Focus on any and all of these truths often! Meditate upon these things that the Bible says are true about us. Don't live in self-disappointment, or thinking that God is disappointed or is holding anything you've done or will ever do against you. Live in the reality of the new life you have in Christ! When you mess up, remember it was sin "in you," and not the "you" that you really are. Don't walk in guilt, but rather with a constant realization and re-realization that your life is not "sin," but your life is Christ!
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