Even keel

I remember the days when I couldn't wait for the Sunday morning and Sunday evening services because it was during those services that I "felt" God more. In fact it seemed like it was pretty much only during those services that I "felt" God, and I didn't really "feel" Him during the rest of my week as I went about my daily living "outside of church." There was something about the atmosphere - the music leader, the singers, and especially the music itself - that made me "feel" closer to God.

Sometimes there were special times of prayer, in which some or many of us would go up front near "the altar" and cry out to God, presenting our requests to Him, often praying in tongues. Often during these times I would "feel" the presence of God and I would "feel" as if all my worries were gone and my problems were done away with. I might then "feel" good all day on Sunday. But by the time Monday came around and reality set in, I had lost the "feeling," and I was left looking sooooo forward to the next Sunday so I could go and meet with God again and "feel" His presence.

The key words above, if you couldn't tell, are "feel" and "felt." Now I don't want to diminish the idea of feeling close to God. It's a great thing to feel close to Him! But so many of those experiences from my past were really nothing more than emotional releases that I got from being around other like-minded people, and also, like I said, the emotions came from the atmosphere that was created by the musicians and stage settings. When I was away from those services, I could no longer "feel" God. I "felt" so far away from Him. As I look back, it's easy for me to now see that it wasn't really the presence of God that I was feeling. It was the atmosphere of the service that I was feeling, and I was mistaking that for the presence of God. "Rollercoaster ride" is probably the best term that described my life in Christ at that time. Up and down, up and down - but mostly down.

In the mid 90's, when I finally began to understand the grace and faithfulness of God, and His continuous, never-ending presence in my life that wasn't dependent upon me going to some church meeting, or reaching some high level of prayer or praise or thanksgiving or anything else, or trying to find some way to "break through" to His presence, I was finally able to begin to describe my life with a much different term. "Even keel" was how I felt and was how I described my life, and it's pretty much remained that way! I don't mean to say that I don't have changing emotions or that the circumstances of life are always "even keel." Storms do indeed come and go, and my emotions do waver from time to time. But in my relating to God, I've come to understand and know that I am one with Him, and He is steadfast and He is an anchor. He has never left me nor forsaken me. I can't ask Him to please come and be in the presence of me and my fellow saints, because that would be asking Him to do something that He's already presently doing! In fact, not only is He "with" me, He is my life. Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Tuesday afternoon, 4am on Friday, church service, no church service, whenever, wherever, He is in me and I am in Him, and He is my very life. When I finally realized that the pressure wasn't upon ME to maintain God's presence, but that His presence and His grace was a gift that always remained with me, my life finally became much more even keeled.

By the way, I don't mean to say that it's a bad thing for the saints to gather together and "be" in God's presence together. It's great to be together as a family, relating to God and to each other in various ways. But "worship" is really a lifestyle of relating to God and to each other, not just in church meetings, and not really having anything to do with atmosphere, emotions, or the performance of a praise band. Aida gets into a lot of this in What is true worship?

What I'm really trying to say here is that I think we miss God in the everyday things because we're waiting to "meet with Him" in the big meeting(s). In reality, He is our life at all times!

Is this type of thinking/understanding important to you? Has your life 'changed' in any way like mine (or in your own unique way) through coming to understand and appropriate God's 24/7 presence in your life?