I'm taking a big chance with this. I'm afraid it might be the end of my good reputation if I share this video. (I know, you're saying when did my good reputation start?) Anyway, the man in this video really embarrasses me. I recently came into contact with him through a rift that opened in the wall that normally separates us from a parallel universe. He looks like a desperate man who really needs attention, so at the risk of losing all credibility I thought I'd be nice to him and share his video with you. After all... he's family. Sort of.
Introducing my holier-than-thou twin-brother-from-another-mother-in-a-parallel-universe, The Rev. J. Slick Breeze. Seems as if he got the looks, I got the brains. Anyway, apparently he has a big ministry on the other side called "Grease Roots" (although he usually refers to it as "Greasy Roots"). He appears to be in big trouble. Maybe we could all chip in and help a brother out.
Brother Breeze,
ReplyDeleteWe at Dolla From Ya Fatha Ministries in Dry River Mississippi would like to support your ministry! You are doin' some outstandin' work for tha LAWD! HALLELUJAH! To get the word out, let me allow you to use my Dolla From Ya Fatha private jet. We anointed that thang with all sorts of miracle spring water and the seats are made of pure miracle handkerchiefs. You will be blessed as you fly, brotha Breeze.
I feel the grease!
ReplyDeleteI feel the grease!
Your money is free at last!
PTL (copyrighted already)!!!
I have never, brother, seen such a great 'Christian Carny' - or is that a 'Carnal Christian'!
I am glad brawthar Daelon has sent his check in the mail because we here who work (why I am mean show up) at the Post office will glady intercept your check to bless us.
We all are very appreciative of all your donors here a 'Freedom of Check Miseries, I mean Ministries'
Keep casting the net brother, and know that the harder you work, the more blessed you are so we can rest. I refer you to the church manual article 12.7.b ii 8.
Would you accept other than monetary gifts Such as used rolls royce cars and designer suits?
ReplyDeleteWe, here at "Create-God-in-your-own-image ministries", have a bunch of that stuff we don't use any more because we upgraded to the newer versions recently when I received my royalty of my two new books : "Slain in the Spirit" and "Faith that moves God".
Can I ask you a very personal question? Have you ever thought about sharing your newly invented faith formula with other ministries (for example: us), we can be partners in this new venture to squeeze more souls... Pls. let me know ASAP so that I can fly into your private airport in my new Cessna jet for further discussions...
Sign Me Up 2 brotha! I wouldn't want to miss this outstanding movement that is taking place in all y'all's ministries! Don't have a whole lot of money, but I will get some from the bank to donate to this great cause, and I will even go into great debt for all ya'll! It will be well worth it! Let me know when we can meet up so that I can give ya'll a big fat check!
ReplyDeleteHALLELUAJAH!
My dear brotha's and sista'sss-ah,
ReplyDeleteFrom the bottom of my heart of gold, I want to thank you for your support of Grease Roots Ministries. I also want to thank my twin-brother-from-another-mother-in-a-parallel-universe - the very wonderful, although not nearly as holy as me, Joel - for allowing me to spew, I mean speak my piece on his blog. Desperate times call for drastic pleas for money.
Brotha Mad Dog,I accept your gift of the use of your jet. I'm sure it's not as anointed as I am, but when I sit in it and fly in it, I will surely bless it with my presence.
Brotha Walking Church,
I don't understand the concept of a walking church. How do you get people to send money to you if you're out walking?
Brotha Bino,
I will work out a trade with you if you are interested. When Joyce Meyer purchased her $23,000 marble-top commode and other luxury items, I just couldn't resist one-upping her, so I bought a pure gold $234,000 toilet that I'm now willing to give up. The flusher sometimes doesn't work right, so I'm thinking it will be worth the trade for a used Rolls Royce.
After I'm done blessing Brotha Mad Dog's airplane with my presence, I'll consider your offer of joining forces in ministry. Maybe some of our faith formulas can be mixed and matched and we can work together to get more people to sow their seeds into our vital ministries in which we get others to think less of themselves and more of our vital ministries.
Sista Nicki,
Yes, you are on the right course. Just tell the bank that you are sowing your financial seed into Greasy Roots Ministries and that you will be blessed beyond what you can imagine, so they shouldn't hesitate to give you a bigger loan than they've probably ever given anybody. Please reassure them that if you don't reap your reward in this lifetime, at least you'll be able to pay them back, probably one-hundredfold, on that great and marvelous day when they themselves walk through those pearly gates.
Thank you, thank you, thank you all again, and may you always continue to bless my ministry.
Why Bother Sick -
ReplyDeleteHave ya-all not heard of 'Holy Rollers?' We have revolutionized, improvized and spiritualized being rolled for Jesus!!!
We are needing ta expand our building program and need several more thousand of acres of wild space to satisfy our roaming body.
One our finest elders from the hood is taking the lead - perhaps you know Robin, Robin from the Hood and his band of merry nar-do gooders. Redisperses wealth from the haves to the have nots, well that is what he use to do...I think now he like you moves the cash to those who really need it.
Brutha Walking Church, you have blessed me today and I know that when you send your check I'll be even more blessed. But what you've blessed me with a is a great idea to get others to sow their seeds into ma ministray.
ReplyDeleteI like this man, Robin from the hood, taking from the haves and givin' to the have nots. We have something similar over here in our universe. We call it the U.S. Government. They are richly blessed, because all they have to do is collect the tax money before the people even see it. It's taken right out of their paychecks without them even having to think about it! If I could just find a way to get in on some of that action, I know it would be a real blessin.' To maself.
If you have any more similar insight, or any more money, please forward it to me. Thank you, and remember to always be a blessing to other people, such as maself.
Reverend,
ReplyDeletePls. let me know if you are in need of 'pushers' and 'catchers'. I have a bunch of them who are anointed beyond measure. BTW, if there are trouble makers in your ministry or outside, feel free to use the verse 'Do not touch my anointed ones' (Ps 105:15).
Thats how we shut them up...losers!!!
Bino,
ReplyDeleteI thank you for your generous sacrifice in allowing me to use some of your pushers and catchers. But just so you know, my pushers and catchers go into extensive training because they need to be doubly skilled in the art of quick handed illusions. See, when they push, they are trained to quickly reach into the person's pockets - just to see if there might be something in there that the person accidentally forgot to give when the highly anointed Grease Buckets™ were passed around. Even after passing them around 77 times per service, our research (cleverly disguised as our "slained in the spirit, pushing and catching" ministry) has shown that people are terribly forgetful sometimes. The catchers are equally as important as the pushers. When people are pushed to the ground it's only natural that purses and wallets fall to the ground as well, and we feel led to have our catchers check those too.
Thank you for the 'anointed' verse! I'm always looking for new ways to manipulate... um... inspire people. Up till now we've been using David's words in 1 Samuel 24:10. Since I'm more anointed than Saul was, it's only fitting that David's words should be used to stop people from messing with me: "I will not stretch out my hand against my lord, for he is the LORD's anointed."
Joel… You slay me man!!!! LOL LOL LOL For just a moment I was confused between prosperity “preachers” and church building programs…. LOL LOL
ReplyDeleteI love the scratching of the roots…. LOL
Dear Rev. Slick Breeze;
ReplyDeleteI want to thank you for this amazing prospect, I was studying my 1611 King James Authorized Version while listening to your sermon and I was convicted (for just a moment I thought you should be a convict but I realized that must be the devil talking).
From your preaching I considered selling my tens of thousands of dollars of guns and gun paraphernalia, but then you said God owned the cattle on a thousands hills! I was so thankful it wasn’t the guns!!! I don’t own any cattle, well some but they don’t live on hills.
As I said I considered it then realized my error! Good thing I got past that. Anyways I want to thank you for getting on that there Grace Roots blog to straighten out that boy Joel, too much of that grace not enough of the Law! How ‘bout 1 thousand green backs for every commandment?
RR,
ReplyDeleteAV 1611 is the only way to go. The ONLY way to go.
That is, unless another version words something in a certain way that I can use to get people to understand their need to sow their financial seed into ma ministray...
And yes, I'm going to do my best, my very best, to set my twin-brother-from-another-mother-in-a-parallel-universe, Joel, straight in his ways of understanding how things work in the kingdom. I used to say it was 5 parts law to 1 part grace - and then to say that grace is simply the way we follow the 5 parts law - but I think I'll start slow with him and simply focus on the New Testament verses that focus on giving to anointed ministrays such as Grease Roots.