I think I've shared this before on this blog, but these are notes I wrote down about 2 1/2 years ago. I was reading through some old stuff today and came across this.
12/30/06 God doesn’t ask me to be “on fire” for Him. God doesn’t ask me to be “radical” for Him. Rather, before I was born again He told me I must die, and then He could come and raise me up to a brand new life and join His life with mine. So the life I now live is not a matter of me being radical or on fire for Him, but rather His radical life expressing itself through me – in whichever way He wills. The life I live in this earthsuit I live by faith. I most certainly don’t live by my own might or power or by my own attempts to live a powerful or radical life, or even a sincere, dedicated life. That sounds “unChristian,” I know! But as I let go of my own attempts at living any part of the Christian life, another Life takes over, with more power and dedication than I could ever come up with.
The gift of God that is in us, which Paul reminds Timothy to “fan into flame” (2 Tim 1:6), isn’t necessarily going to have an outward appearance that’s radical or sensational or impressive to other people, even to other Christians. Understand, I’m writing from the perspective of an introverted person who has tried in the past to live the extroverted, radical, effervescent Christian life, trying to prove to others that I’m “on fire” for God. I had faith – deep faith – and looking back, I can now see that my true faith was expressed in ways that weren’t always noticeable by others. But since I had come into a church culture that seemed to take greater notice of those with more visible and expressive demonstrations of faith, I prayed and tried very hard to have the same passion as others and for the Spirit to manifest Himself in me with the same sort of outward demonstration. Again, I now see that I really did have a deep faith, but at the time I didn’t think that was true. I wondered when the time would ever come that my faith would grow and I could truly be more expressive with my faith. When would I ever truly be “on fire” for God?
Thank God that I finally came to an understanding of who I really was. Or better said, I came to a better understanding of who Christ is in me.
The way that the life of God will be expressed in each of us individually will be different.
You can’t be what you’re not. Be who you are!